If cats had phones…
we would absolutely not know peace.
You’d be at work, minding your business, and suddenly your phone would blow up with the most dramatic, chaotic, slightly threatening messages imaginable.
Because let’s be honest… cats don’t just have personalities…
they ARE personalities.
So here’s exactly what your cat would be texting you all day:
📱 1. “Where are you.”
No greeting. No punctuation. Just vibes.
You’ve been gone for 12 minutes and they’ve already decided you’ve abandoned them forever.
📱 2. “It has been 7 years.”
Time does not exist to your cat.
Every moment you’re gone is emotional damage.
📱 3. “I heard something.”
This could mean:
- A leaf moved
- A neighbor blinked
- The air… existed
Either way, they are now on high alert and you should probably come home immediately.
📱 4. “I threw up ❤️”
No explanation.
No apology.
Just a fun little surprise waiting for you.
📱 5. “Don’t worry about it.”
This is the most concerning text you can receive.
Something has absolutely been knocked over.
You just don’t know what yet.
📱 6. “Feed me.”
You fed them 6 minutes ago.
That is irrelevant.
📱 7. “I love you.”
Followed immediately by:
“Don’t touch me.”
📱 8. “Who is that.”
You invited someone over?
Bold of you to make decisions without consulting them first.
📱 9. “I am speed.”
Sent at 3:17 AM.
No further context.
📱 10. “You may sit now.”
They have chosen you.
You are now furniture.
Do not move.
🐾 Final Thoughts
If cats could text, your phone would never be silent…
and your anxiety would somehow be both worse and better at the same time.
Because even though they’re chaotic, dramatic little gremlins…
they’re your chaotic, dramatic little gremlins… and life would be way too quiet without them 🖤
