Being a Halloween person is exhausting.
There. I said it.
People think we’re just out here casually enjoying pumpkins and watching a few scary movies.
No.
This is a JOB.
There are decorations to buy. Movies to watch. Outfits to plan. Nails to coordinate. Fall festivals to attend. New Halloween collections dropping every five minutes.
And somehow we’re supposed to fit all of this into ONE SEASON?
Absolutely unreasonable. 😂
🎃 First, We Have to Decorate
You can’t just put out one pumpkin and call it a day.
What am I supposed to do with ONE pumpkin?
We need pumpkins. Ghosts. Skeletons. Black cats. Candles. Orange lights. Spooky little houses. Things with bats on them.
And every year I tell myself:
I already have plenty of Halloween decorations.
Then I walk into a store and see a tiny ghost holding a pumpkin.
Well.
Obviously he lives with me now.
Life is hard. Buy the tiny ghost.
I don’t make the rules.
🛒 Halloween Shopping Is Basically a Competitive Sport
And WHY does Halloween merchandise come out earlier every year?!
You have to be READY.
You can’t casually wander into the store in October looking for the cute Halloween stuff.
Oh no.
It’s gone.
The Halloween people got there in July. 😂
So now I’m looking at pumpkins while it’s 97 degrees outside because apparently if I don’t buy the cute ghost immediately, I’ll never see him again.
This creates a level of urgency that I personally do not need in my life.
🎬 There Are Too Many Movies and Not Enough Nights
This is one of our biggest problems.
We have approximately two months to watch EVERYTHING.
Obviously Scream has to happen.
Then there’s Beetlejuice, Practical Magic, Corpse Bride, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Haunted Mansion…
And that’s before we even get into all the horror movies.
Slashers.
Ghosts.
Witches.
Possessions.
Haunted houses.
Movies I’ve watched 47 times.
Movies I’ve somehow never seen.
New horror movies.
Old horror movies.
Bad horror movies that I will absolutely watch anyway.
Suddenly it’s October 28th and I’m looking at my mental Halloween movie list like I’m behind on homework.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. 😂
💅 We Also Have to Look the Part
You can’t be walking around claiming Halloween is your favorite holiday without occasionally dressing like Halloween threw up on you.
Those are the rules.
We need spooky nails.
Halloween shirts.
Black everything.
Cute earrings.
Boots.
Maybe a witchy outfit.
Maybe something with Ghostface on it.
Maybe something that isn’t technically Halloween but definitely makes people think, Yeah, she’s probably really into Halloween.
Correct.
Thank you for noticing. 😂
👻 Then There Are the Events
This is where being a homebody and being a Halloween person enter into direct conflict.
Because normally?
Please don’t invite me anywhere.
But then you tell me there’s a witches and warlocks festival?
A haunted attraction?
A pumpkin patch?
A Halloween market?
A fall festival?
Well, unfortunately, now I have to leave my house.
I have to figure out what I’m wearing.
I have to take pictures.
I have to look at every vendor booth.
I have to buy something I didn’t need.
It’s exhausting.
I’ll see you there. 😂
🏠 And the House Has to Feel Spooky AND Cozy
This is important.
I don’t want my house to feel like an actual haunted house.
I want it to feel like a haunted house where someone gives you a blanket and asks if you want coffee.
There is a difference.
We need candles.
Blankets.
Warm lighting.
Pumpkins.
Ghosts.
Something spooky playing on the TV.
Probably a black cat wandering around for ambiance.
Thankfully, Draco has that department covered. 🖤
Although now Goose will probably be knocking over the ambiance while Falcor watches.
📸 We Must Document the Season
Because if you put your cat next to a pumpkin and DON’T take a picture, did fall even happen?
No.
So now your camera roll is:
Pumpkin.
Cat.
Coffee.
Cat.
Halloween decoration.
Another cat.
Your nails.
Dog.
Ghost you found at Target.
Cat next to ghost.
Screenshot of Halloween thing you want to buy.
Goose doing something ridiculous.
Another pumpkin.
Repeat until November. 😂
🎃 And Don’t Even Get Me Started on Halloween Costumes
You need an idea.
But not just ANY idea.
You want something recognizable, but maybe not something everyone else is doing.
Cute, but spooky.
Comfortable, but still good in pictures.
Something you’ll actually want to wear for more than 14 minutes.
So naturally you come up with approximately 37 ideas, buy pieces for three of them, change your mind twice, and eventually decide what you’re wearing approximately six minutes before you need to leave.
Halloween magic. ✨
🖤 Then Suddenly… It’s Over
This is the WORST part.
You spend months waiting.
You decorate.
You shop.
You plan.
You watch all the movies.
You go to the events.
You wear the spooky nails.
You take approximately 9,000 pictures.
And suddenly it’s November 1st.
Excuse me?
We just got started.
Now everyone is putting up Christmas trees while I’m standing in my house surrounded by skeletons wondering why society is trying to rush me through my grieving process. 😂
I need TIME.
🎃 But Would I Change Any of It?
Absolutely not.
Because as dramatic as I am about it, I genuinely love this time of year.
I love walking into my house and seeing pumpkins and ghosts everywhere.
I love cozy nights watching scary movies.
I love Halloween nails and spooky outfits and fall festivals.
I love seeing Halloween stuff in stores.
I love that for a couple of months, all the weird, spooky things I love are suddenly EVERYWHERE.
And yes, maintaining this lifestyle requires dedication.
Commitment.
Time management.
Financial irresponsibility around tiny ceramic ghosts.
But somebody has to do it.
Being a Halloween person may basically be a full-time job…
but I take my position very seriously. 🎃🖤👻
